In the past couple of weeks I realised that hindsight might give you 20/20 vision, but that vision does not help much if you’re stuck in the bottom of very dark pit. No! No! Nothing that austere – just a reality. Life can get very bogged down with the if only’s and the what if’s.
Accepting that as the reality, it does not make it any easier to avoid bitterness and loathing when something went horribly wrong – and when you have to say to yourself – Stop! What are you going to benefit from all this baggage. Is this really guilt, or is this relief masked as guilt.
My boss once told me how one day someone phoned to ask him to join him for a drink, and how he did not really feel like the man’s company, but rather than hurt his feelings, he replied “I have to attend to my hair” – Now everyone knows he’s bald.
Rather than hurt people, we tell them what we think they might want to hear. How much do we do in life trying not to hurt people around us, and is it truly NOT to hurt them, or merely to assuage our own guilt.
And of guilt I can speak with authority, as my mother (and I do love her) – knew only one way of child rearing and that was with guilt trips. Actually – I once threatened to buy her a T-Shirt that said “My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips”. Ironically, the truth would have seen me far more co-operative, but maybe there was that chance I would not have liked her much. And I think in that lies the challenge.
At the end of the day, we like to be liked. I would be the first to admit it – but at what cost to our souls, and those truly nearest and dearest to us. How much baggage and guilt must we bare before we shed every inch of it, stand naked to the core and say – bring it on!
I feel the winds of change blowing lightly at my back, nudging me into interesting directions.